We Lost The Baby

I know that blogging about my miscarriage is an incredibly impersonal way to let everyone know what happened but since I'm not ready to talk about it yet, I thought that this would help me get it out and let everyone know what's going on.  I'm hoping it will also help me in getting word out there, since I told everyone we were expecting, and keep me from having to tell people personally.

Everything started last Thursday, the 30th.  I had started bleeding and was scared to death.  I called my doctor and he said that if I was miscarrying, there was nothing that could be done.  He said that if I was still bleeding by the next morning, to come in and they'd check me out.  By the next morning, the bleeding had slowed and turned dark brown.  I called and they said that I didn't need to come in and not to lose hope.  On Saturday, the bleeding started again and I called the on-call doctor.  I told her what had been going on and she said that she was certain I was miscarrying.  She said to call her if anything changed.  On Sunday, it had slowed down and went back to the dark blood and I was still holding on, praying that it was something else.  Monday afternoon, it started up again and there had been a couple of clots.  I was pretty sure I was going to lose the baby.  I called the doctor again and asked what I should expect.  She said that it was going to get very painful and that it could last a few hours or a day or more.  I was scared about what was going to happen and it took forever for me to get some sleep that night.  I finally dozed off and got a couple of hours before I had to get up to go potty.  I went back to bed but as soon as I laid down, the pain started.  I will spare the details of what happened but there was excruciating pain, a lot of blood and it lasted a couple of hours. 

This is obviously an emotion-free account of what happened.  Whether you've been through it or not, you can imagine what my family and I have been going through and I don't need to share that here. 

As of now, I am not able to talk about this.  For my family and friends who didn't already know what's going on, please understand that I'm trying to deal with this and I'm not ready to talk about it just yet.  I will call when I'm able to.  I'm not trying to shut everyone out, this is just how I need to deal with it.